How are you always happy?
Time: Wrote this yesterday evening
Feeling: Sleepy
Why would anyone think I am always happy?! Because I am always smiling on Instagram? Because? Because? Because? I have no other seemingly valid reason as to why anyone would think I am always happy. I have contemplated several times taking a selfie while I cry as proof to show I am a big crier and I get sad a lot. I really do want to do that, but it'll be weird, wouldn't it? Why should it be weird? Posting a picture of me crying like a normal person. Sigh* I dunno. I really would like to be very true on my Instagram, but I can't go posting pictures with snot, tears and red eyes. Not once, not twice, not thrice, countless times, I've been asked, "why are you always happy?" I don't get it. I know how to fake smiles or laugh as though I mean it. I just did it now. Smiling makes me prettier (obviously), which is why I have to take pictures of me smiling. I'm not saying I'm a sad person or anything. I just think I'm pretty human, going through shit like anyone on this planet.
So, I don't want you to think I'm superhuman floating through the sky, not being touched by life, always smiling. Let me dash to my Instagram to look at my pictures. Just got back. Shoot! Am I a pretender? My teeth are out in most of my pictures, and in the rest, I'm either pouting or sticking my tongue out. Nah, I don't think I'm a pretender, I just think I'm super pretty when I smile. Sometimes in those moments I'm smiling, I might actually be happy, truly happy.
Last year. Or was it two years ago? I'm not sure, it was around the period Greatest Showman was being aired in cinemas, I had just gotten back from the cinema, I was listening to a song, and I was crying. I was sad. I almost made a video of it. Did I not? I think I did. Not to show off tears. Who does that? I wanted it as proof that I cry too. A lot. More than normal (I think), but then I wondered, would anyone actually care? I'm such a playful human being, it could be passed as "ah such a playful girl, she even can cry on demand" or they could just move past it. So, I decided against it, and either told human or just buried the sadness.
Not everyone actually wants to see you cry (not out of the kindness of their hearts). Your sadness just makes them uncomfortable. They'd rather see you smile all the time and say, "you're always happy! how?!" because err how do I put it? Your smiles and laughter help them keep out of touch with reality, it in a sense, makes them feel better about themselves ("she's smiling and happy, what could be so wrong?") because let's face it, which human being in this earth is always happy?
I may end up posting a video of me crying, or not. I guess it's alright to let people think and feel whatever they want. And they probably don't care anyway. I'll bawl and cry my eyes out to the people who truly truly truly care.
So to answer anyone who may be asking themselves if I am always happy while scrolling through my feed. My dear dear (potential) follower, I'm like you, going through this thing called life. I cry like you (okay maybe not like you, I'm very prone to crying lol, but I cry), and I'm happy too, sometimes I get mad, and sometimes I want to sleep and wake up two days later, I even get lonely a lot. I wish I was great at making friends, or that my favorite human was right here with me, sometimes I get sad for no apparent reason, and other times, I get this surge of adrenaline that makes me jump about like a little kid, talk for two hours straight (okay I do this when I'm upset too) or do silly stuff. So no, I am not always happy. I just think I have a beautiful smile that lights up my face.
Much love,
Fifi.
Feeling: Sleepy
Why would anyone think I am always happy?! Because I am always smiling on Instagram? Because? Because? Because? I have no other seemingly valid reason as to why anyone would think I am always happy. I have contemplated several times taking a selfie while I cry as proof to show I am a big crier and I get sad a lot. I really do want to do that, but it'll be weird, wouldn't it? Why should it be weird? Posting a picture of me crying like a normal person. Sigh* I dunno. I really would like to be very true on my Instagram, but I can't go posting pictures with snot, tears and red eyes. Not once, not twice, not thrice, countless times, I've been asked, "why are you always happy?" I don't get it. I know how to fake smiles or laugh as though I mean it. I just did it now. Smiling makes me prettier (obviously), which is why I have to take pictures of me smiling. I'm not saying I'm a sad person or anything. I just think I'm pretty human, going through shit like anyone on this planet.
So, I don't want you to think I'm superhuman floating through the sky, not being touched by life, always smiling. Let me dash to my Instagram to look at my pictures. Just got back. Shoot! Am I a pretender? My teeth are out in most of my pictures, and in the rest, I'm either pouting or sticking my tongue out. Nah, I don't think I'm a pretender, I just think I'm super pretty when I smile. Sometimes in those moments I'm smiling, I might actually be happy, truly happy.
Last year. Or was it two years ago? I'm not sure, it was around the period Greatest Showman was being aired in cinemas, I had just gotten back from the cinema, I was listening to a song, and I was crying. I was sad. I almost made a video of it. Did I not? I think I did. Not to show off tears. Who does that? I wanted it as proof that I cry too. A lot. More than normal (I think), but then I wondered, would anyone actually care? I'm such a playful human being, it could be passed as "ah such a playful girl, she even can cry on demand" or they could just move past it. So, I decided against it, and either told human or just buried the sadness.
Not everyone actually wants to see you cry (not out of the kindness of their hearts). Your sadness just makes them uncomfortable. They'd rather see you smile all the time and say, "you're always happy! how?!" because err how do I put it? Your smiles and laughter help them keep out of touch with reality, it in a sense, makes them feel better about themselves ("she's smiling and happy, what could be so wrong?") because let's face it, which human being in this earth is always happy?
I may end up posting a video of me crying, or not. I guess it's alright to let people think and feel whatever they want. And they probably don't care anyway. I'll bawl and cry my eyes out to the people who truly truly truly care.
So to answer anyone who may be asking themselves if I am always happy while scrolling through my feed. My dear dear (potential) follower, I'm like you, going through this thing called life. I cry like you (okay maybe not like you, I'm very prone to crying lol, but I cry), and I'm happy too, sometimes I get mad, and sometimes I want to sleep and wake up two days later, I even get lonely a lot. I wish I was great at making friends, or that my favorite human was right here with me, sometimes I get sad for no apparent reason, and other times, I get this surge of adrenaline that makes me jump about like a little kid, talk for two hours straight (okay I do this when I'm upset too) or do silly stuff. So no, I am not always happy. I just think I have a beautiful smile that lights up my face.
Much love,
Fifi.
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