Fifi's diary

Image source: Pinterest  In 2016, I started rediscovering myself. In all honesty, I wish I had started much earlier, but I am thankful that I didn't have to wait for much longer. It's been a very long journey filled with growth, learning, unlearning, challenges, love, tears and much more. Sometimes, I look back and wonder what I was using my mind for; whether I was thinking at all. I was growing okay physically, but moving at snail speed spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. I just went along with the flow, doing nothing to consciously move forward, doing nothing intentionally, I wasn't even preparing for my future, and I was in my final year. Wow! Beats me too. I look back and I am proud. I have come a very long way from where I used to be. Of course, during the past three to four years, going through the motions of growth, it didn't really feel like it, but now, I see tremendous growth. I definitely still have a long way to go, and I really look for

Time: 11:13 am Feeling: Cold Over the weekend, I made some creamy chicken soup for myself and my brother. When I was in Uni, it was something I always made, because it's super easy to make. However, there were two things I didn't like in all the soups I made: they were always so flipping thick, and there were always surprises (lumps). This time around, I did things differently. I made use of some: Leftover chicken bbq, 10 green beans 2 sausages 5 small carrots 2 eggs (whites) 2 and a half tablespoons of flour 1 garlic clove 1 onion. 1 tablespoon of margarine. Salt. Thyme 2 Seasoning cubes. Some evaporated milk Pretty basic ingredients. I know, right? So, first things first: Shred your chicken. Slice your sausages into circles, they shouldn't be cut so thinly. Wash your carrots and slice into thick circles. Boil your carrots for 5-6 minutes. I boiled my carrots and eggs in the same pot. When the carrots were just right; somewhere in be

Time: 9:36 am Feeling: Full and sleepy I'm at work. Just had breakfast, and I feel soo full and sleepy. I wonder if I'll be able to eat lunch. Yeah, I brought lunch to work, and that's what I actually want to talk about. Source: Pinterest If you know me, one thing you should know is that I'm big on saving money and cutting down on unnecessary expenditure as much as I can. Lol, but as much as I do this, I like to enjoy myself once in a while; I just go "Lois, just spend this money, na one life". When I started working, in 2017, I found out that I did not like buying junk for lunch, for two major reasons: It was very unsatisfying, gosh! I'm not a big eater at all, I usually eat small helpings of food, but this just didn't cut it. It was usually a drink and biscuits and some candy. It was really expensive! It didn't seem like it, but it was! For something that's absolutely not filling. I eventually decided to try to take lunc

Hullo, Wow, it's been ages! A month, I think. To be honest, I really wanted to write, but I had absolutely nothing to write, or so I thought. I actually had a whole lot of ideas in my jotter. I'll be reeling them out as time goes on. I'm excited. I have had this post as a draft for over a month, I was super excited when I was writing it, but for some reason, the momentum dropped, and I never got around to posting it, possibly because it's umm quite, umm sensitive? I think that's why, but I figured this is my blog and I am allowed to have and share my opinions here. Here goes. I just woke up from the bed. It's 9:33am and I am about to say something super daring. If my husband ever cheats on me, by the grace of Jesus Christ, I will forgive him.  I have been thinking about this for a while now. And it's safe to say, that I have concluded that I will forgive him. I'm very sure it won't happen lol, and I am super sure of my loyalty, so it&

Time: 9:11am Feeling: very calm. I was supposed to write on Monday, but I was a bit down. So, here I am, writing. I didn't plan to talk about this topic today, but someone wanted me to. So here it is. Plus I noticed more people read about relationships than other areas on this blog. Anyhoo, let's go. I love letters. The idea of them, the reality of them. I just love letters. I think they are a very personal way of communicating. I also like them because, if kept well, they can be read many years down the line, and the couple would have silent happy tears rolling down their cheeks. Every cute text I've ever gotten from the time we started talking till now has been written in a book, and I like that I can easily open a book and find them all there, and they've not gotten lost in the sea of other texts. I can just imagine us reading the book 50 years down the line, or this book even outliving us. I also love small notes, could be because I like writing, or becau

Time: Sometime this morning Feeling: Oh dear Christian, You think too highly of yourself, Acting all high and mighty, Forgetting it was grace that saved you. You think you were deserving? No! He looked on you with mercy, And considered you worthy, Even when you thought yourself unworthy. Now, you are saved, You look down on every unsaved person Thinking you are better, After all, you are God's beloved. You err. Have you forgotten what the Holy Book said, About love? About pride? About grace? About kindness? You seem to have forgotten The meaning of grace so soon. Unmerited favor, That is grace. The Bible also says, He that thinks he stands, Let him take heed, lest he falls. You may soon fall from your high and mighty, Then, you will remember Grace. And you will see the beauty of love. In my Christian journey, I keep learning about Kindness (something I never thought much about until quite recently). I used to be such a judge, feeling some

Time: Wrote this yesterday evening Feeling: Sleepy Why would anyone think I am always happy?!  Because I am always smiling on Instagram?    Because?  Because?  Because?  I have no other seemingly valid reason as to why anyone would think I am always happy. I have contemplated several times taking a selfie while I cry as proof to show I am a big crier and I get sad a lot. I really do want to do that, but it'll be weird, wouldn't it?  Why should it be weird?  Posting a picture of me crying like a normal person. Sigh* I dunno. I really would like to be very true on my Instagram, but I can't go posting pictures with snot, tears and red eyes.  Not once,  not twice,  not thrice, countless times, I've been asked, "why are you always happy?" I don't get it. I know how to fake smiles or laugh as though I mean it. I just did it now. Smiling makes me prettier (obviously), which is why I have to take pictures of me smiling. I'm not saying I'm a sad pers

Feeling: Slightly irritated. Time: 9:03 am source: pinterest I'm slightly irritated because I got to work, and had to wait for an hour ish before the lady that's always with the key decided to show up. Today's blog post is something I have wanted to share with you for a long time (about four months) now. It's most likely going to be a short post, but I am convinced of its relevance. I'm so giddy about it. So, many months ago, I was talking with my sister, and she said she thinks I am the kind of person that colors inside the lines. People who follow rules, are boring, and not adventurous are described as people who colour inside the lines. On the other hand, those described as people who colour outside the lines are more carefree and adventurous. That kinda got to me. So, I told human about it, and these were the short but profound words that were said to me : I think it's just another thing we have created as humans to make some people feel

I didn't know that time had really flown until I checked my blog on Wednesday and saw that the last time I wrote was in February. I actually missed writing here. Plus for those of you who missed reading, I'm sorry I just disappeared.  In  this post , I wrote about how I felt frustrated about not doing anything with my life at that point, well, that has changed. That period wasn't it at all. I knew it would only last a while, but that 'while' felt like years. This was how it all changed. I was home as usual, when someone sent me a picture of  an NGO's advertisement. They had a business training for start-up owners. Seemed great. After all, I had a business idea, ( which was about to become a reality)  and I was really tired of being at home. I planned to go for a day, get a feel of it, and if I didn't enjoy it, never return.  I got there quite... kidding, super early. The training was scheduled to start at 9a.m but we got thereat 7:30a.m; we bein

Feeling: Hungry and Lazy.  Time: 11:50 am Cloud painting and abstract art by Corannie Melanie I always say that 200 level in uni was very challenging for me. I craved love (not necessarily romantic inclined) and friendship. Genuine friendship. I didn't have those, I felt so alone, and it led me to a downward spiral. I had my worst grades that year. I had my first and last carryover.  In a bid to find love and friendship. I forged friendships with people I wouldn't ordinarily have been friends with. Mostly boys. I am a love being, you see, so all the love I wanted to receive, I gave. I gave too much of myself (only because they weren't necessarily deserving of my love and attention).  One of the friends I made was super weird in every sense of the word. I don't want to give too much away, but he was weird. I thought I could help him out of his weirdness, I befriended him. He felt very unloved, I showed him love (it was a very platonic relationship we

Time: Yesterday and today. Feeling: Sleepy. Been quite a while, I know. Sigh* My emotions were all over the place. Trust you're all great!  How'd Valentine's Day go?!  I like hearing that kind of gist.  What did you do?  Me?  I slept, I think . I don't even remember what I did. It was such a blur. Pinterest  I'm not about to write this because it's the 'month of love'. A coincidence, actually.  Someone on twitter said, " 'I love you' is mad basic" and I have a few things to say about it. I used to think saying 'I love you' all the time was boring. I used to think constantly saying 'I love you' didn't convey the depth of my love enough. Yunno, it seemed Blehhhh!  I used to find creative ways to convey my love. I still do - I mean, find creative ways to say 'I love you'. I have come to understand one thing, though. Nothing trumps 'I love you'. The problem is that love is a word that has b

Feeling: I'm actually not feeling anything. I just want to pee. Time: 9:25 am Okay, first of all I have a confession. Remember I said  here , that I wasn't going to watch the remaining episodes of SGIT until today. Life happened. I watched it o. I watched everything the next day, I was so bored. Now that I've gotten the confession out of the way, I can welcome you to a new month. I'm thankful for how far God has brought each and every one of us. We all know this month is the month of love. There's a whole history of a certain Mr Valentino or something like that. I was told the story when I was in junior secondary school. I have never been stoked about it. It has always been a normal day for me. I don't think I ever received a gift while I was growing up. I have always been of the opinion that Valentine's Day shouldn't be the only day you get to receive love or give love to your partner, I mean, you have 365 days to do that. If anything, it

Feeling: Kai I dun know.  Time: 7: something am I have been binge watching Skinny Girl in Transit on YouTube for the past three days, I think. I'm not watching today, because, I want to use sense to manage my data for the next two days. God help me. So sha, I was about to go for my second round of sleep, when my mind went to a scene ( Spoiler alert!!! If you haven't watched it, please go to the next paragraph.) where Tiwa went to meet her ex, Kola and wanted to hear him say what he wanted to say.  Of course I was so irritated and plunged into ITK (I too know) mode with my sister - Why did she have to see him?? It was uncalled for!! I remembered when my before before boyfriend (cringe) asked to be friends with me, and I was all shades of strong (blunt), I had never been before, hitting the nail on the head like a carpenter. I was proudly telling my sister about it,  and she was like, "Yasss girll!! You mean!!' My sister is a...  I dunno, let's just say I

Feeling : Hungry Time: 11:05 am I think games are a great way to spice up your relationship. I'm all for games! One of my YouTube faves I'm not necessarily a competitive person, I just think it's fun, plus it's a great way to bond with your partner. So, if you are not in the mood for a dinner date, an evening out, or even just watching TV and you want to do something, having a game night would be a great substitute. It doesn't necessarily have to be at night lol, could be whenever you want. I often spend quite some time looking for games on the internet, I'm that deep. I'll let you in on some of them. Would you rather: In this game there are two options one is allowed to choose an answer  from.  I even think it's called this or that. Nah, it's not, it's just very similar. So, one person asks the other if (s)he would rather choose this option or another option, then the receiver of the question, chooses an answer.    An example:

Feeling: sleepy Time: 11:49am On some days, days like this one, I have no inspiration to write. Like, my head feels like a blank space. Tehehehe, reminds me of Taylor Swift's song, Blank space. I just thought now, that a reason for this could be that I'm always cooped up in one place. It's most likely the only reason. I don't have friends here, sucks much. Would have suggested going out. I like forming hard girl, but sometimes I'm bothered about it. What do you do when you have zero inspiration?  I could learn a thing or two  from you. Thank you. By the very way, I had an inspiration to try out a random food combination; sweet potatoes and ogbono (mixed with okra) soup. What weird / strange meals have you tried out lately Much love,  Fifi. 

Feeling: overwhelmed with love.  Time: Wrote this five days ago, shortly before I retired for the day.  Isn't it funny how we know what to do but for some reason we find ourselves holding back?  I have lots of big dreams, dreams that scare me; dreams I feel are only possible so many years away from now; dreams I feel are too big for me to handle right now; dreams that require huge and bold steps. Dreams that push me out of my comfort zone. While I understand that my comfort zone won't in any way help me grow to be the kind of woman I want to be, sometimes, I want to be there for just a little while. It feels like so many pillows around me protecting me from the harsh realities that this life brings my way. Feels like the perfect shield. It actually is. There's just a huge con to it; no growth. Absolutely no growth. So, while I want to grow, I want to be protected. Sigh* I can't have both. I can only choose one. I choose growth It's been said that every

Happy new year, loves! It's almost 2020!! I know we just started this year, It's just... It's amazing how there was a time 2020 seemed so far away, and now,  we're less than a year to it already. Wow!! Okay, back to 2019. Towards the end of 2018, I was low-key scared that 2019 was looming closer. I mean, I turn 23 in two months; for some reason that seemed scary.  I don't know how I feel about it right now. I'm very thankful; really grateful, but I'm not as excited as I used to be about my previous birthdays, I wonder why. Do you have any resolutions for the year?  Are you a new year resolution kinda person?  I'm not. I am just really intent on growing, no matter how little. However, if there's anything I want to do more of this year, it's to be more gentle with myself, and to celebrate little victories. This may be the beginning of a new season for you, or a continuation of the previous season; regardless, I hope you love yourself a