The other side of fear.

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Feeling: overwhelmed with love. 
Time: Wrote this five days ago, shortly before I retired for the day. 

Isn't it funny how we know what to do but for some reason we find ourselves holding back? 

I have lots of big dreams, dreams that scare me; dreams I feel are only possible so many years away from now; dreams I feel are too big for me to handle right now; dreams that require huge and bold steps. Dreams that push me out of my comfort zone.

While I understand that my comfort zone won't in any way help me grow to be the kind of woman I want to be, sometimes, I want to be there for just a little while. It feels like so many pillows around me protecting me from the harsh realities that this life brings my way. Feels like the perfect shield. It actually is. There's just a huge con to it; no growth. Absolutely no growth. So, while I want to grow, I want to be protected. Sigh* I can't have both. I can only choose one. I choose growth

It's been said that everything you want is on the other side of fear. Growth (and all I want) is on the other side of fear!

I hate fear. I really do. I know how crippling it can be, and somehow I still find myself embracing it. It's sad.  I often wish I was a go getter, the kind of woman that knows what she wants and goes for it without fear, regardless of what obstacles she may face.

I know what I want, but I have to be pushed and pushed. I have to coax myself. I have to put what I want on hold because I AM AFRAID, (questions like 'what if this project fails? ' buzz in my head) or because I am looking for a better opportunity. Anxiety levels rise so hard, sometimes I want to explode.

Perhaps I should not see the comfort zone as pillows. Maybe that word is in some way misleading; an illusion. The comfort zone equals fear. Fear bears no profitable fruit. And while it's okay to be scared, I guess letting it consume you is what's horrible.

Every year, there's a new facet to my journey on being a strong woman. This year (and every other year) is for going for everything I want that is on the other side of fear. I have my eyes on the prize, I have friends that support me; and Love?  I am cushioned with it.

Here's to not letting fear get the best of us. Here's to going for what we truly want regardless of the obstacles that we will definitely come across.

I do not have the spirit of fear!  I have love, I have power and I have a sound mind. Bring it on, life!

Much love, 
Fifi. 

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