On sad nights and happy mornings...

Feeling: sigh*

Time: 5:49pm

It's amazing. Really amazing, how humans switch. Just like that. One minute you're sad, the next you're happy, or feeling some façade of happiness. Momentuous happiness. Short-lived, because in a little while, after that moment of euphoria, we're brought back to reality. Our reality hits us.  It's saddening.

Yesterday night, I was listening to music. I was really happy, I was making videos, and while at it, I felt like a pretender, for about five seconds. I've been trying to analyze that feeling since. 

Social media is amazing. People'll rather share the amazing things going on, they'll choose to not share the not so glamorous parts. Everyone is expected to keep up the charade of  "I'm such a happy person living my best life". Now, when someone decides to share the not so beautiful sides, it's either people do not react, they get hated on, or just 0.5% react positively. Now that I think about it, I think people just like being in the know of what goes on in people's lives. They really don't care. They just scroll and scroll. 

Few times I see someone's status update or something, I want to say something real bad, but how do I say it? When I don't know what to say to encourage the person, I just pray, to be honest. Many times, I don't necessarily have to say anything, I just send a hug emoji.  Sometimes I forget to say something, as much as I'd like to let this person know he or she's on my mind. 

I tried an experiment of some sorts once. I'm a very playful person. Super playful, it used to reflect on my status updates. So, this time, probably earlier in the year or last year, I put up something that was bothering me, people saw, and only one person asked what was up.  I cried. And from that day or around that period, I told myself there was no need to be playful on my status. People chose what they wanted to see. I'd rather die on the inside than let people make a mockery of my sadness.

It's why I felt like a pretender yesterday.  I had just cried like a baby the night before, and the next day, I was all happy and sharing my light with the world. Amazing. 

I think it's okay to be human. Many times, when I chat with people and they say 'thank you', I respond with 'anytime'. Not the cliché 'anytime'. I really mean it. Because I understand what it feels like to be sad and not be able to express it without feeling inadequate.  

Two nights ago I felt bad that I couldn't tell if anyone I knew was sad and pretending to be happy just to save face. It really hurt me, I wished I could tell who was really sad, behind all the happiness. Thank God for prayer. I prayed for everyone that wanted a genuine smile.

I hope you have reasons to smile, and when you don't, you'll find solace.

Let's be more sensitive.

Much love, 
Fifi. 

P.S. This should have been posted yesterday, ( it was written two days ago) but something was wrong with Blogger.